It’s Just Good Manners!

By Glenn Draper

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Manners (noun) 1. a person’s bearing or way of behaving towards others, style of speaking, 2. conditions of society, 3. social behaviour, polite social behavior.

What is the most important skill, talent, expertise, trait in business?  I hear you saying a good resume, listening skills, career planning and good connections. 

They are all important for success but what about something everyone can share, costs nothing, and makes work less stressful and more enjoyable?

Good manners!

Yep, you are probably thinking, “Oh, that is so fifties and sixties. The writer must be old.”  Yes I am over fifty but have my iPod, my iPhone and my portable PSP.  But it doesn’t mean I’ve abandoned good manners.  Yes, I know there are different cultures in North America but not one of those different cultures was built on bad manners.  In Arabian cultures guest are highly honored and given the best seat at the table.  In Britain, people queue (line up) for everything with no pushing or shoving and certainly no queue jumping or stealing your way to the front of the line.

You may need to modify your behaviour in different culture situations but good manners are still important. 

One important aspect of good manners is giving respect to different people from different cultures.

Now, of course, there are different ways and different situations for the exercising of good manners.  There are personal face to face situations, business situations and social situations.

Of course, in face to face communications most people are polite and show courtesy but as we move deeper into the 21st century our communications are via the Internet, e-mail, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc.  Just because you can’t physically see the recipient doesn’t mean the same rules of business etiquette don’t apply. 

So now that I’ve given you the sermon, perhaps I should give some of the examples I have experienced over the last couple of years that drove me to putting pen to paper (well, actually using my laptop).

Now I’m not going to teach you social manners.  How you behave at your golf club or swimming pool or in the mall is up to you but be warned good manners is based on habit.  I still say please and thank you, and would always offer my seat to someone older, or female, or a child.  I take my social manners into the boardroom and that is what I want to discuss with you.  Well, not so much discuss but give a few tips and explain why I think they are important.

These items are not in any order of importance.  This is just a list of things that have bugged me over the years.

Rule 1: Make sure things are approved and ensure budgets are in place before inviting others to participate

I was extremely excited the other afternoon.  I had been searching for a new contract and a colleague called to say if we could meet a client at 7:30am the next morning we could close the deal.  Unfortunately, the client turned up and said the contract had been given to someone else.  Yes, it just business, but it’s also bad business etiquette.

This one can be a soul destroyer.  It applies to internal and external plans/projects/tasks within an organization.  Don’t ask people to commit their time and energy until whatever undertaking you are planning is approved in writing.  Nothing affects your credibility more than getting people excited about something and then have to tell them it’s off or we’re using someone else.

Keeping people engaged and motivated is good business sense but it is also good manners.  You never know when you may need the person again.  It’s just good manners.

Rule 2: Don’t go to the market if the project is NOT 100% a go

I’m an independent contractor running my own company so I spend 30% of my time marketing and selling my company’s products and services.  Normally that amounts to 20 hours a week. Yes, I work around 60 hours a week.

Part of marketing is obviously chasing business that can be just an idea.  I once spent two years winning a piece of business for a large hospital group.

I love running my company and being an independent consultant but a frustrating aspect of business has been creeping into the market place.  The percentage of projects which are cancelled, postponed, or just left to drag has gone up alarmingly.  In Vancouver I would estimate 20% of the business I chase doesn’t even start.  I realize that sometimes this can be unavoidable but it’s starting to happen more and more. 

This to me is just bad business etiquette.  Let people know if there is a chance the project may not go ahead or apply rule 1. It’s just good manners.

Rule 3: Reply to solicitations for contract/jobs/opportunities even to say no thank you

I’ve been an IT contractor for over 25 years and been in business over 40 years so I’m well connected and have my career information on multiple web sites and in many databases.

I’m sure you are the same.  So, of course, I receive many offers for contracts and business opportunities.  Some I can’t do because they are out of the country and don’t fit into my schedule.  Some I can’t do because they may be too technical or don’t fit my expertise.  I always send a “thank you for considering me” e-mail.  I do that because the person has taken the time and made the effort to consider me and they are probably managing a list.

By replying, even to say no thank-you, they can shorten their list and do their job better and easier.  I believe that every business professional should be helping other business professionals do their job easier and better.  This eventually creates a bigger pie for everybody.  It’s just good manners

Rule 4: Send thanks to people who say no to your offer/submission/job request

The is the reverse of rule 3.  If you submit a resume or proposal for a job or work and you receive a negative response, send a “thank-you for considering me” message. 

In today’s marketplace too many companies and too many individuals when they advertise for help have the disclaimer, “Only those who are successful will be contacted.”  How rude!  You have taken the time and made the effort to try and help them be successful.  The least they could do is send you a “thank-you but no thank-you” e-mail.  With today’s technology this shouldn’t be a big deal.  It’s just good manners.

Rule 5: Be early for meetings and appointments

This is a real stickler with me.  I find it so arrogant and so bad mannered to be late for meetings and appointments.  It says my time is more important than yours and I’m more important than you.  I have worked in public sector organizations where certain individuals were always late, implying that they are more important than other attendees. This is bad manners, bad business etiquette, and bad business practice.

There are no excuses for this even if you have to travel to a meeting or appointment.  With Google maps you can always find your destination and by requesting Google directions you can estimate the time to travel to your appointment. 

If I have important meetings, even those I perform in my volunteer capacity for CIPS or PMI, I will drive to the destination a few days before the appointment time.  Sometimes this means going in the evening after a day’s work but I feel it is worth it. I’m then relaxed and confident about traffic flow, parking, etc.

Be on time.  It’s just good manners.

Rule 6: Use good manners with all levels of business professionals including gate keepers

Good manners are habits that must be developed as second nature so you can use them with all levels of business professionals.  I’ve worked recently in companies, especially web-based companies, where good manners and respect seem to be used more when communicating with senior managers.  Unfortunately, this is a sign of good manners being misunderstood.  Good manners should be applied across all levels of an organization. 

Most managers want to be treated exactly the same as the rest of the team.  Good manners are a way of treating everybody with respect.  Good manners should be natural, not forced or only used when it suits the individual.

Good manners are for everybody, you included.  It’s just good manners.
 
Rule 7: Don’t make a promise you can’t keep

This issue seems to strike organizations that are extremely busy, under-staffed, or are going through organizational change.  People make promises they can’t keep.  This is worse than not making promises at all. 

If you raise someone’s expectation and then fail to meet it, they get frustrated, you become stressed, and your credibility falls.  Only promise what you can guarantee to deliver. 

I have an example from my own experience. I bought a book at a business event.  The book seller, representing the author, said if I gave my e-mail address she would send me a receipt.  Three months later I still have no receipt.  It calls into question the ideas in the book because the book and the author’s representative should practice what they preach.

If the person puts you on the spot, tell them you will do your best but cannot promise.  It’s just good manners.

Rule 8: Don’t tell someone you’ll get back to them but don’t

There is nothing worse than someone saying I’ll get back to you tomorrow morning and then they don’t.  In business this can be deflating and creates planning and scheduling problems.  And never, never, never, set yourself a deadline and then miss it.  It puts so much pressure on you.

Telling someone you will get back to them and then not doing it is a recipe for future problems.  To the recipient it appears you have forgotten about them, or even worse, lied to them.  If you plan to get back to them but cannot, simply send an e-mail identifying the delay.  You have at least met the goal of getting back to them.

If you don’t plan on getting back to them, DON’T SAY YOU WILL.  If you say you will, then do it.  It’s just good manners.

Rule 9: New manners

With the growth of the Internet, e-mail and on-line communication, there is a new set of manners.  These tend to be more opinions and general best business practices but I’ve included them because more of our communication is through these media. The first point is to communicate who you are.  On e-mails the standard signature should be:

First Name Last Name
Title (relevant to organization of recipient)
E-mail address
Telephone number(s)

The e-mail address is included to make it easier to see all your contact information in one place.  This little touch can save those who are receiving an e-mail for the first or second time the effort of copying your information into their address book.

E-mails should be grammatically correct (mainly).  I say mainly because short-hand and acronyms have crept into digital business communication.  If the e-mail is a business communication it should be treated like a business letter or business report and should be spell checked and grammar checked.

I was buying a laptop bag for my son when the assistant’s cell phone rang with a personal call.  He talked to his friend and chose to ignore me half way through the transaction.  This is the height of bad manners.  I won’t be returning to the store again.

Unless it is an emergency don’t use a cell-phone/telephone while dealing with someone – especially if you work in a store.  Focus on the person in front of you.  It’s just good manners.

Conclusion

Good manners are important.  Be responsible for your own behaviour and make good manners your gift to the business community.  You will be remembered for it.